Editor’s note: This is one in a series of periodic commentaries by retired college presidents on the subject of civility. They are based on the book “Rules of Civility for a Modern Society,” by Jim Davis, the former president of Shenandoah University.
Jim Davis Civility Rule 14
The ability to treat others as equals when one is inherently in an advantageous position is a virtue to be cultured.
When I was a high school junior, I acquired an evening job as an attendant at a gas station. This was before self-serve and during the time when attendants pumped the gas for customers. The company owner would come by every few days to check on the business, and the station manager would attend to his car, filling the gas tank, checking the oil pressure and tires, and cleaning the windshield.
After several weeks, the manager allowed me to service the owner’s car, and I was pleased to have the opportunity. Being young and energetic, I quickly and carefully completed each of the tasks. As the owner approached his car, I made it a point to stand straight, smile, and was ready to make eye contact and greet him with a firm handshake.
It didn’t happen. Without acknowledgement, the owner walked past me, got in his car and drove away. I stood there feeling so disappointed and let down. At 17, I was seeking identity outside of family, church and school in this new job and wanted to make a good impression.
I recently read Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s new book, “Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose.” It reminded me of that evening so many decades ago and how, in that moment, I wanted to matter. I recall telling myself then that if I were ever a boss, I would never treat someone that way, without any imagination that becoming a boss was a possibility.
Following that evening, I was able to have more positive encounters with the owner. Over time, I came to give a measure of grace to that first encounter, recognizing that the owner may simply have been preoccupied.
All along my 35-year career in healthcare and academia, I have sought to honor that early lesson. I made it a priority to visit environmental services, maintenance, security and other essential departments. All across the organizations, I learned team members’ names and when I saw them throughout the buildings, acknowledged them with eye contact, a smile and a greeting.
In every role I have held, I sought to communicate a simple message: I see you. This practice reflects the quote everybody appreciates being appreciated, a belief I have carried throughout my career.
N.L. Bishop is the former president of the Jefferson College of Health Sciences.
